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Yes, I Am Writing About Aquaman, Best Step Back!

Ah, Arthur Curry, the much maligned undersea king of the DC universe. It never seemed fair that ‘ol Aquaman, a founding member of the world’s greatest super team: The Justice League of America found himself the butt of so many a jokes in the Geek community. Okay, so, um, being able to telepathically talk to and control fish is a little lame, but he has other abilities that make him all kinds of cool. He can breathe underwater. He can withstand the pressures of the deepest abyss. He can see in near darkness. He is wicked strong, not Superman strong or even Batman strong (although that changed over time, which we'll get to later), but, he could totally smack around Green Arrow. I guess those really aren't powers if they're needed to survive in the place you call home. Okay, well... Aquaman can...Um... He has strange magical powers, kinda. He used to have a boss harpoon for a hand, but that got turned into watery Jell-O... Crap, I'm getting ahead of myself. One thing I know for sure:

Aquaman can't friggen fly!

All right, let me take you back to my first days of the Geek in the City, when I was just plain old no caps geek in the city. Oh, fair warning, this is going nowhere and will be nothing but the nonsensical rambling of a comic book fan who just read that the WB wants to start an Aquaman show and began thinking of his long and strange history with Aquaman. Anyway, during my early days as a civil servant I worked in a position that allowed me to dress any darn way I pleased, and being the dork that I am, I choose to own a t-shirt from every member of the Justice League (yes, even Wonder Woman, I just never wore it). The biggest problem with my plan was that even within the realm of wearable merchandise, Aquaman never gets respect! (That has since changed). Anyway, my constant wearing of superhero shirts had two long-term effects. One, I kept getting dirty looks from the people who had to dress up for work and two, I earned a reputation for being the go to person for all things superhero. This rarely came up in the world of city politics; until the day came that two city council members got into a friendly argument about Aquaman’s ability to fly...

I warned you this would ramble.

See, both were in a tad bit of controversy, nothing major mind you, but just enough trouble that the bottom feeders at the various local media outlets were stopping by day after day to get interviews and to try and make one of them crack with their hard-nosed reporting. (This was before Stormwatch and Methwatch, so, they really didn't have much else to do). For some strange reason these two city council members began to ask their staff members which superhero they should be and the powers they would use to get out from under the ever watchful eye of the forth estate. Well, the dude who was over the Water Bureau chose Aquaman, though not for the reason you would think. His reason for choosing DC’s king of the oceans? "Cause he can leap from the water and fly away." This prompted a flurry of emails to and from various city employees, each one taking a side on the can and cannot fly status of Aquaman. Somehow, word made it to the higher ups that a certain employee on the 6th floor of the Portland Building was a master of the superhero genre. And so, the first ever event of me, your friendly neighborhood Geek’s gift for useless knowledge solving a problem came to pass. Strange that it happened on the floor of the Portland City Council where I was eventually taken to explain Aquaman’s powers.

Heh, your taxes at work.

Yea, I know this rant was started by the announcement that the WB was going into pre-production on an Aquaman series, then there is that rumor about James Cameron doing an Aquaman movie with Marky Mark... I'm not quite sure how I feel about either of them. Okay, I do actually...

It’s a terrible idea.

Not because Aquaman isn't an interesting character, he actually is. However, like so many comic book characters that don't come with a built in heroes journey like Batman, Superman, and Spiderman, Aquaman needs a writer who can truly dive into the character. (Ugh, sorry about that). Without a decent writer, Aquaman is just the dude who gets the Justice League into the water without dying when Green Lantern isn't available. (Or, to make Wonder Woman swoon as the only other royal member of the team). Aquaman works best when he is treated like an underwater version of Conan, which I know is making some of you fine readers chuckle already. Think about it though. He rules more area then any other land bound ruler and still has time to save the world with the other heroes... All without the ability to fly, run as fast as light, make giant green boxing gloves, or a butler.

He is also a character whom DC tests the water.

Okay, I promise I will stop with the water puns, promise. Anyway, whenever DC gets a thought to kill off a character, or really shake things up within a book poor Arthur Curry takes it in the chin first. They killed his wife... years before Robin took the big sleep at the hands of the Joker. When Superman went through his lame Blue / Red phase, poor old Aquaman was sporting long Fabio hair, banded mail armor and a badass harpoon for a hand. (Having lost his real hand to... I kid you not... Piranhas).

Damn, this really is going nowhere.

Well, at least I didn't take three pages to ramble on about Namor - The Sub Mariner.

What kind of a freak has Vulcan ears and wings on his ankles?