>> GAMES > GAMING CULTURE

Age Matters Not.

Whew, someone has been slacking lately. I wish I could blame it on a Denubian Slime Devil, but truth be told, I’ve just been a big ‘ol lazy Geek. To be fair, I am in the middle of moving… Yea, that’s it! Anyway, few days ago I found myself cleaning up after Saturday’s game. Among the usual trappings of Mountain Dew bottles, Tato-Skins crumbs, and various scraps of paper I found a lone D20. Ah the D20, arguably the most important die in the polyhedral pantheon of role-playing games. At least in the system we play it is, there are others that use the D10 primarily and others still that mainly use the very vanilla and easy to purchase D6. The D20 rolls better then the D8 (the WORST of all rollers in this humble Geek’s opinion). The D20 looks a bit sexier then it’s cousin, the D12 (the dice, not the hip-hop guys). The D20 is FAR safer then the ever dangerous D4, (seriously, games STOP when “D4 on the floor” is yelled, and you would understand if you ever stepped on one barefooted in the middle of the night while relieving yourself of said Mountain Dew)! However, far and away the best trait of the D20 is that it is the easiest to swallow…

What? Don’t look at me that way. It is. Period. It’s basically round and if you buy a standard size D20 is would fit just fine in your throat… Might choke a baby, but an adult would be fine. (That was a bit much; wonder how many folks stopped reading? Sheesh you make one baby joke and the whole world turns on you). Now then, I’m not saying I know from experience that a person could swallow it, I’m just saying that it LOOKS like you could swallow it.

Okay, so I almost found out…

See there is a simple rule when you get a bunch of guys over. They can and will dare themselves into anything… ANYTHING. That includes swallowing a D20 just cause you think you can (or cause another gamer bet that you couldn’t). There I am your friendly neighborhood Geek, sitting at the head of the gaming table watching my fellow dice rollers dare each other to do it. Well not all, there was “Sally”, the lone woman in our group and I am so glad we have her. Not just cause she is a good player, but because she is often the voice of reason among the XY group. (Although she has her moments too, but it often catches us dudes off guard so nothing “bad” ever happens). The daring went on and on. I shall do my best to avoid the graphic images associated with swallowing a D20, but suffice to say that even I was getting caught up in the daring. Imagine if you will: Three (relatively) grown men, one with a child himself (a child whom I am CERTAIN would get busted for even thinking of swallowing a D20) daring each other to swallow dice. Here I am egging them on. Telling them that I will give extra experience points to the first one who does it. This is like giving gold to a gamer, XP without risking a character? Damn man, sign me up! But wait, it gets better (and more graphic), I suggest that the player who…um…eh…”leaves” the best roll will get a free critical hit next time we game at a time of their choosing… Yea buddy, we’re a classy bunch.

Thank God for “Sally”…

“Guys, listen to yourselves! Oh my God, do you have any idea what you are”?

Four dumbstruck faces (one with a D20 in their mouth)…

In unison: “What”?!

She shamefully covers her face and does her best to suppress a laugh, “never mind”…

Yea, we put the D20’s down and went back to gaming… So ladies, let this be a lesson to you… Men NEVER grow up. 9, 29, 39, 109… You dare us enough… We’ll do ANYTHING…

Even swallow a D20

Tune in tomorrow as I start the great “Monster Slayer” tournament in honor of the soon to be released Van Helsing…