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Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull – Spoiler Free Review

Has it really almost been twenty years since Dr. Jones saved the world from the Nazis? Had my high school adventure just begun when Indiana Jones and crew rode off into the sunset? So many of my earliest cinematic adventures are tied to that whip wielding archaeologist. The first time I ever reenacted movie scenes without using 3.5” figures; I was Dr. Jones, my whip, a tattered piece of yellow nylon rope, and the cedar shavings under my neighbor's raised deck were spikes of death. The first time my mom ever covered my face in an attempt to hide me from the horrors on screen, Mola Rom was conducting a ripping sacrifice to Kali. Finally, my first attempt at a fan film came on the heels of Last Crusade. Sure, I didn't own a blue screen, but I dangle friends from the side of a truck while I flung dirt in their face and shot some of the shakiest VHS footage ever. You see, for all my talk of loving Star Wars, Comics, Star Trek, and all the pop culture trappings in between; it was Indiana Jones and his pulp inspired adventures that kept me writing and shooting. To this day, I dream of making my first ever bit of fiction (from the age of 8), Indiana Jones and the Key of Cortez, into a story that joins the Dr. Jones canon, even if only in comic book or radio drama form. And so, it was with the wonder of a child raised on radio serials and the cynicism of an adult burned by my own expectations that I entered Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

While neither side left the theater hurt, neither did either side leave fulfilled...

When it came to Indiana Jones films, I was perfectly happy with Last Crusade. While I felt it was the weakest of the three films, it did provide me the classic Hollywood ending that all good heroes require. The victorious adventurers rode off into the sunset. Were there other adventures to be had? Possibly, but those adventures were for the realm of my imagination. Time passed and just as I was recovering from the poor Star Wars – Episode II release, serious rumors about a fourth Indiana Jones adventure started to surface. This just didn't seem possible. We had all moved on. Sure, my love for Dr. Jones never waived, but no one seemed all that interested. Besides, Spielberg filmed Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan. How the hell could he go back to making Nazis a group of goose stepping pulp villains? We'd seen humanity at their worst through Steven's lens, I just didn't see another film working. More time passed. Screenwriters came and went. Rumors flew. Message boards filled with pathetic “insider” knowledge (myself included, mind you). In time and over the years, many rumors started to stick. Indy was coming back. The Third Reich, replaced, by the great Red Menace. Okay, I could buy that. Plus, with Harrison Ford aging, I felt an older Indiana would work. Why not? High pulp adventure didn't have to end with the dropping of the Atomic Bomb. Also, I rather enjoy tales of aged heroes coming out of “retirement” for that classic “final adventure”. Indeed, every hero needs that “once more unto the breech” moment. Then came rumors of a kid. A greaser kid. A kid that was gonna' be Indy's long-lost son. Uh-Oh. Kid sidekick? No, no stated Spielberg and Lucas. This “kid” was an adult, just starting his journey, but hey, have no fear, we brought Marion back as well.

From there, I backed off the message boards and rumor mills. I didn't want to know more.

At least, that was what I told myself. The truth was, I didn't want to get my hopes up, nor did I want to grow so doubtful that no film could purge my cynicism. I limited my viewing to a couple of trailers and the various action figure news. (We Geeks can at least thank Crystal Skull for finally giving us Indiana Jones figures that didn't suck Belloq's...well, you know). Months passed. Then one warm Spring morning in 2008, while the rest of Portland stormed Waterfront Park to hear Barack Obama speak, I shuffled into a stuffy theater for the only screening of The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull until opening night on May 22. The lights dimmed, the curtains adjusted for the frame. Then came the Paramount Logo. No fancy CGI stars. No 3D Mountain effect. Nope, this was the same grainy Paramount logo I saw over 25 years ago when Indiana Jones captured the American imagination. Nothing wrong with starting off a film with a hint of nostalgia, a reminder of once was and within a moment or two, shall be again.

If only that feeling maintained for the entire film.

The premise of the film is pretty basic (as were the previous Indy films, these are pulp adventures after all). World War II is over a decade past. The Cold War is reaching a fever pitch as average Americans see Communists everywhere. Perhaps they are right, as it would seem Mother Russia and her soldiers have infiltrated our most secret of bases... The legendary Area 51. They want something and they are going to force Dr. Jones to get it for them. From there begins a chase around the world where Indy runs, whips, drives, and jumps in an attempt to stay one foot ahead of the Evil Empire and their quest for world domination! If only the movie had kept it that simple, both my wonderment filled child and cynical adult was have been pleased. Unfortunately, they didn't. In between action scenes we learn about Mutt Williams, played by Shia LeBeouf, a greaser with a secretive past. A psychic Russian villain played by Cate Blanchett. Her character that could have been a foil for Dr. Jones in previous adventures, though we learn little about her. A new partner for Indiana Jones, played by Ray Winstone, (one clearly meant as the Sala character, but for some reason, turned into a ex-British spy). Another scholar and collegiate fellow, played by John Hurt, with whom Indiana had a falling out. And finally, Marion played again by Karen Allen , Indy's one true love returning from the past. In a way, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a few movies crammed into a rather sluggish two hours. (Well, sluggish for an Indiana Jones film).

Sound rather packed? It is. Yet at times it doesn't feel like the film is going anywhere. Like I said, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull felt like two or three films. First Indy needs to stop the Russians. Then, Indy needs to discover a forgotten grave and skull, all while connecting to this Mutt Williams. A kid that, while he's never met before, forms a rather strong (and admittedly believable) rapport and connection. Then, the gang rushes off to find this mysterious lost city with these strange crystal skulls. Oh, and along the way Marion gets kidnapped by those pesky Russians and their cold but strangely alluring psychic leader. Unlike the previous Indiana Jones films, the plot of Kingdom drives the characters and not the other way around. Yes, the Nazi's or the Thuggee Cult forced Dr. Jones into adventure, but you never felt like he was simply a tag-along. The movie isn't The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull with Indiana Jones. Yet, that is exactly how the felt felt. Dr. Jones wasn't acting, he was reacting. Perhaps in lesser action films, I can accept such a hero. Not so with Indiana Jones. I need him to swing a punch and move the story, regardless of the outcome. In this film, he allows others to move the story along while he delivers random lines about quicksand and generally acts as the comic relief.

Perhaps that is what bothered me the most.

Like Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Crystal Skull falls back on rather ham-handed visual gags. In moderation and with the right characters this works. To me, Dr. Jones is not such a character. Sure, he has his moments of comedy, but it comes as a result of an impossible scenario or his own disdain for authority. This time out, Dr. Jones is the butt of many of the jokes he himself would have been above in the previous films. In fact, every time Mutt called him “old man” and Indy took it, I wanted to slap the little brat. Sure, Dr. Jones is pushing 60, but he can still kick your butt ya' Beatnik! That isn't to say this film is a Keystone Cop movie, it just had one too many “ow, my balls” jokes. I expect that from Lucas, but I'd hoped with Steven at the helm they would have been kept to a minimum. As strange as this sounds, my biggest beef with the movie comes from a rather disrespectful handling of Dr. Jones himself. Yes, I know this is fiction, but when you set the rules with three previous films, you can't turn so abruptly. Sure, I'll buy (and even want) to see some extra follies as a result of his advanced age. Indeed, I would argue some honest (and still humorous) falls and missed punches as a result of his age would help the film. As well as the inevitable passing of the fedora to young Mutt Williams/Jones. (Honestly, if you think my mentioning of Shia as the new “Dr. Jones” is a “spoiler”, then you've been blind and deaf while living under the proverbial rock yourself).

How was Mr. LeBeouf?

Okay, here is where all the fanboys come screaming for my head and I lose all Geek credibility... Take a deep breath... Mutt Williams/Jones is the best part of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull! (He might also have one of the better fight scenes in the film).

There, I said it. I can't believe it, but I did and I mean it!

First, I was once like you. Well, not completely. I never hated Shia LeBeouf as did so many flaming Internet talk backers. He is a fine actor and with strong film choices will probably have a long and prosperous career. Much like another movie star we all know and love. A movie star that is perhaps not the most talented of the bunch. Still, a star that has all the charm in the world and under a good director and story can carry a film about magical rocks, space wizards, and androids that dream of electric sheep. I wasn't completely sold on the character as such, but I never hated the Shia casting. I saw what Spielberg and Lucas were trying to do. Again, here is where Geeks scream for blood. If Indy 4 does well enough for a 5th, I say we give Mr. LeBeouf his chance. Believe it or not, the character works and he works very well.

Especially when you consider how little time the filmmakers have to connect and grow the character. He isn't the mopey “Wild One” everyone expected. Sure, at first he's got a massive chip on that leather clad shoulder, but Indiana's charm and genuine good nature melts that chip fast. Also, little lines here and there within the film go a long way to explain why Mutt has the potential to be the next globe trotting adventurer. Would he be like Indiana Jones? No, he'd be his own man, with one hell of a mentor. To take a page from my comic books, he is the Kyle Rainer to our Hal Jordan. Not better, not worse. Simply different. You know what? I can live with that. In fact, I kinda want to see that. Simply because Mutt lives in the Atomic Age doesn't mean the world isn't filled with wonders and dangers. And, unlike 'ol Indiana who had to go it alone, Mutt would have a mentor getting his back.

You know what, I'd line up to watch Mutt Jones and the Pyramids of Mars!

As for everyone else in the film? Well, they all seems to phone this one in. As if age removed that “holy moley, we're making another Indiana Jones movie”! Never once did I feel the passion for adventure and excitement I felt in all the previous Indiana Jones movies. That alone was the film's greatest problem. The entire time I saw the skeleton of an Indiana Jones movie, but never once did I see its beating heart. This was Indiana Jones by the book. An irony when you consider it was the Indiana Jones movies that re-wrote the book in the first place.

Should you see it? Of course! This is still a fun action film. It isn't perfect when compared to the previous Indiana Jones outings, but that shouldn't dissuade you. (Besides, that is a mighty mountain to climb). In fact, the more I think about it, the more Kingdom of the Crystal Skull feels like a prologue to an all new series of adventures. Will I see it again? Absolutely. If only to try and capture that visceral excitement of a packed movie house with hundreds of screaming Indiana Jones fans. I want to see if I'm the only one that doesn't stand and cheer as the credits roll. I did smile and nod, but no whopping scream as I did in the past. Truthfully, I want to know if it is me or the movie.

Either way, the thought is rather depressing. If it is the film, damn, because Indiana Jones deserves a better sending off than the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

If it is me, damn, because it means I've lost that wondrous spark deep within.

But I doubt I have.

Indiana Jones has given me decades of exciting adventures, the least I can do is give him a second shot.

And no, I wasn't joking. I really am interested in a new series with Mutt Jones! Every story evolves and grows, why can't the Jones'?