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Month 2 - Where the hell is my movie?!

This article was a long time coming, and let me warn you now, likely not worth the wait. However, never let it be said that your friendly neighborhood Geek doesn't make good on his promises. If he promises the next installment of the William Shatner DVD of the month club, by gum, he is going to provide it. In my defense, the dang movie only arrived at the Geek tower a few days ago. I was starting to worry that perhaps Mr. Shatner had pulled a fast one on me, taking my hard earned cash and running. While I could never imagine the good Captain doing such a thing to me, I'd been burned by celebrities before (screw you George Peppard) and wasn't going to take any chances. With that in mind, I brought in the 5-O to help me out... What follows is that investigation and film review:

GitC - Thanks again for looking into my missing item.

T.J.H. - Think nothing of it son, helping the people is what this job is all about. So, just what is the problem?

GitC - Um, well, this might not seem all that serious, but...

T.J.H. - All crime is serious and nothing to be taken lightly.

GitC - Yea, I know but... I'll just come out and say it. I think someone horked my William Shatner DVD!

T.J.H. - Just a minute, you called me out hear to help you find a crappy DVD?! And, what the hell does "horked" mean?

GitC - It’s a Canadian phrase it means...um... Wait, you should know what it means.

T.J.H. - I don't follow.

GitC - Well, are you a Canadi...

T.J.H. - Son, this police sergeant is all American and I'll thank you to remember that.

GitC - Yes sir.

T.J.H. - Sergeant.

GitC - Sergeant.

T.J.H. - Okay, now we can move on and try and get to the bottom of this wayward movie of yours.

GitC - See, I joined this club and I am supposed to receive a movie every month. However, darn near two months have passed and I've yet to find the current opus within my mailbox.

T.J.H. - And, you believe some no good perp has stolen it?

GitC - Well, it does have a picture of the Shatner on it.

T.J.H. - Who?

GitC - Um, Shatner. William Shatner, famous actor. He’s a Canadian.

T.J.H. - Never heard of him.

GitC - But, aren't you... It doesn't matter.

T.J.H. - Fine, well, the first step, as well you should know, is to retrace and go over the scene of the crime. Tell me the first thing you did when you first noticed the item was gone.

GitC - Okay. I did what I do everyday. I went down to my mailbox, opened it, like this, and...oh...Heh...Um... Oh... This is embarrassing... Looks like it arrived today.

T.J.H. - The criminal element often surrenders in the face of such a formidable foe.

GitC - Or, it just could have been late. Postage did go up and we mustn't expect much from the same people who sent me Wolves of Wall Street.

T.J.H. - I don't follow.

GitC - I just mean that...forgot it. Hey, you want to watch this with me?

T.J.H. - Sorry, can't. I'm on duty... You are correct though, that is quite the suave looking man on that package.

GitC - Indeed he is.

T.J.H. - Bet he does well with the ladies.

GitC - True 'dat.

T.J.H. - Take care, citizen. I'm off to hit on Heather Locklear. I hear she’s single again...

With that, the fine officer left my place of residence and I went to watch my newest film in the William Shatner DVD of the month club.

This month, I was sent the lesser-known Stuart Gordon film King of Ants. At first, I had thought this was a pseudo sequel to the Shatnerific Kingdom of the Spiders. Alas, no. Upon viewing, I found myself wondering why this movie even made it into the club. Apart from the creepy DVD label and the title, there wasn't much to peg this film as a traditional horror, sci-fi, or fantasy film. There are horrific elements to be sure within the film, but they owe more to human nature then the supernatural. Perhaps I was being too literal in my definition of horror.

What starts as a simple revenge / hitman story evolves into a decently made movie about the nature of revenge and its corrupting properties upon people. While by no means great, the film works and you do find yourself moderately entertained. Stuart Gordon, most famous for Re-Animator and the lesser known (and wholly underrated Dagon), does well with his cast. He is even able to pull out a passable performance from a Baldwin that isn't Alec. While I still question the inclusion of The King of Ants within this DVD club, it is (so far) the best of the bunch. (Not counting Ginger Snaps, since that was a "bonus DVD" and not an inclusion proper).

I give The King of Ants 2 out of 5 Critical Hits.

Wonder how long I will have to wait for the February installment...