>> RANTS > FROM THE PEN OF THE MASTER GEEK

A Sith'tastic Day!

This will mainly be Geeky observations and ravenous blithering about seeing Revenge of the Sith and waiting in line for 13 hours with my fellow Geeks. It will also be riddled with spoilers. So, if you want the regular spoiler free review, check it out on this fine site.

There, with that out of the way I can now speak to you as a true and honest Geek who had a Sith-tastic time on May 18th/19th.

Your friendly neighborhood Geek is pushing 30 years old and yet here I am on an early Portland Wednesday, waiting in line for Episode III – The Revenge of the Sith. With only 15 minutes passed it is already the greatest and dorkiest day of my life and I love every parsec of it!

The air is filled with the scent of Gummi Bears and Mountain Dew. The sounds of Lightsabers swooshing filling the skies drowning out the honks of passing cars… Mocking us they may be, but in 20 years looking back on the day they spent at work they will not. Wonderful memories of a cultural event will they not have.

A man dressed in an outstanding Stormtrooper costume just stepped out of a new X3 BMW. The BMW has a vanity plate that reads: “M-Pire”. That gives me hope.

I’m really glad I passed on the press screenings. This is something that NEEDED to be experienced.

Damn, I’m getting hungry…Should have packed something…

For the first time in my life, my Imperial March ring tone blends…

I just had a conversation with a Royal Guard as I played Republic Command on X-Box… We were commenting about the excellent AI of our computer controlled Clone Troopers Squad. Geeks rule!

That reminds me, as confirmed by ALL of my fellow Geeks… Royal Guard and Imperial Guard are interchangeable names for the dudes in red cloaks. Suck on that Mr. high and mighty KOIN reporter! Ass.

Two damn cute Geeks girls were complaining about the lack of promotions for the Harry Potter midnight premiere. Where the hell were you two lovely Geekettes 11 years ago?

Only GenCon and ComicCon will see a greater consumption of caffeine and sugar.

I am both proud and ashamed that when I hear a couple of dudes comparing the battle scenes in Cartoon Network’s “The Clone Wars” to Warhammer 40K… I know EXACTLY what they are talking about.

I just watched Princess Leia play Twister with Queen Amidala… I love my life… I also feel extremely dirty.

To the girl who was excited to finally seeing Revenge of the Sith and to be so close to the head of the line. Please, you must understand the power you hold of us Geeks. We WILL do whatever you ask, without question… As is evidenced by the COMPLETE stranger who held an umbrella for as he got soaked. In case you read this, let me break it down:
1 – Girl.
2 – Girl at Star Wars, by choice.
3 – Girl.
4 – Excited to be in line for Star Wars, but still must work on laptop.
5 – Cute Girl…at Star Wars…alone…by choice…
Just don’t abuse it, remember, with great power comes great responsibility.

I know this will sound strange, but if a dude in a Stormtrooper uniform stares at you long enough… You WILL feel intimidated and a little frightened… Trust me.

Eddie the boy Jedi is the most skilled and dangerous person on the planet!

A little kid in a custom Darth Vader costume made by his own two little hands is the GREATEST example of fandom in the world. May he never lose that imagination and creativity!

Hearing Scott Dally cry out: “Can I get a Lightsaber down here” is the greatest phrase ever!

Seeing a little Geek’s eyes light up when he holds said Lightsaber is the greatest image ever!

Watching a Stormtrooper dance and yell “Woop Woop” is great and terrible…

KATU has the coolest cameraman in Portland…Unlike KGW, who just has burned out filmmakers.

“Come on!” is the new “I’m huge!”

It’s fun to taunt Stormtroopers that hide from the rain… Punks! No wonder Ewoks were able to beat their shiny white butts!

Although, it’s also fun to hear them complain about the Empire, ”Just not giving us the equipment they used to…Hell, these damn things can’t stop a rock, how the hell am I supposed to survive a boarding raid”?!

I really should not impersonate a Tauntaun…especially when others are present, Geeks or not.

Lack of explanation not withstanding… Damn was it great to see R2-D2 burniate the Battle Droids! R2 was getting his Bond on! He is indeed the mad pimp we all know him to be!

No matter how much we love Yoda. Reversing terms, tedious it becomes.

I’m gonna’ miss that sexy Jedi Twi'lek chick.

God damn, the movie should have been called: Star Wars – Episode III – Ian McDiarmid Owns Your Ass!

I saw the Millennium Falcon! I saw the Millennium Falcon! WOOOOOOO!!!

Damn, seeing Bail Organa, Obi Wan, and Yoda walk down the halls of the Tantive IV (the Rebel Blockade Runner to you non hardcore out there) is possibly the single greatest image I have ever seen on film.

Captain Antilles! Sweet!

It was sad to see Yoda crawling for his life… It just felt wrong… Damn you Sith! Damn you all to hell!

Christopher Lee is the greatest actor of all time… period.

It’s okay to cry at Star Wars… Multiple times even.

Star Wars is cool again…Thank the maker!