>> RANTS > FROM THE PEN OF THE MASTER GEEK

Attempting the Impossible

Yes, this is a repost. However, I felt compelled to respond to
Rick's rather poor Top-5 TV theme showing. Damn, this thing is darn near 2 years old.

Now, before I begin I need to set some ground rules for the choices on the list. Rule one: The list will have the most MEMORABLE (not necessarily the best) themes, the ones that EVERYONE recognizes when they hear the tune. Rule two: The show needs an original theme. So, with those two simple rules set down let us begin...

NUMBER 10: Bonanza. You can't hear that twang guitar without picturing the map of the Ponderosa bursting into flames. Although it wasn't the longest running Western on television, it is considered one of the finest. Oh, Hoss and Little Joe, we miss you so!

NUMBER 9: Knight Rider. Ah, a boy and his Trans Am. Where would we be without Michael Knight and his boy-toy KITT? This theme is so well loved that is has been sampled no less then three times by the Beastie Boys, Eminem, and Busta Rhymes, and it will certainly be sampled again.

NUMBER 8: Perry Mason. You all know it..Slow start then hits with the huge Bum-Dum! Only thing bigger then that hit was Raymond Bur’s waste line. Original titled "Park Avenue Beat" the Perry Mason theme played from 1957-1966 then remixed for the poor revival in 1973.

NUMBER 7: Fat Albert: Hey, hey, hey...Come on sing it! You KNOW you know it! Written by Bill Cosby, the Fat Albert theme was the only song you could sing using garbage as instruments. I'm sure we can expect a terrible remake once the movie hits a multiplex near you! Na, na, na, gonna’ have a good time!

NUMBER 6: Batman 1960: Everyone knows that opening riff: Da,da,da,da,da,da,DAA! BATMAN! Okay, so it looks lame to read. But, I can bet you all sang it once you saw it. Although the show wasn't on the air very long (thank God), the theme burned itself into the pop-culture mind forever. Sampled many times, the original Batman TV theme has found its way into EVERY version of the movies and cartoons in one form or another.

The rest after the jump...

NUMBER 5: The Beverly Hillbillies: Do I even need to explain this one? Just start signing my friends... You ALL know it. Catchy tune, catchy lyrics, and explained the whole darn tooting thang in 90 seconds! Ye’all come back now, ya hear!

NUMBER 4: The Twilight Zone: Rod Sterling’s classic horror / sci-fi / suspense anthology series. This theme has become synonyms with creepy and spooky events. Starting humming that Dum-DUM-Dum-DUM and folks KNOW that strange things are going on. It should be noted that as Gen-X’ers age and Generation Y begins claiming the pop culture crown this theme will be replaced as "creepy crap happening" with The X-Files theme.

NUMBER 3: Sanford and Son: Written by the great Quincy Jones , few themes can fill you with the power of pure FUNK like this theme. I dare you to not start beat boxing when you here this groovy theme. You having lived until you've heard the full version clocking in at three and a half minutes long.

NUMBER 2: The Simpsons: One of the only themes of the modern television era that is memorable in any way. Written by Burton’s boy Danny Elfman, the Simpsons theme has found its way into every culture in the western world. From the opening chorus to the closing drum hit, we all know it and love it.

NUMBER 1: The Jeffersons: Moving on up! Woooo! This is as perfect a theme as one could hope for! Tells the story, fun to sing, fun to groove to. There is NOTHING wrong one can say about the Jeffersons theme...If you can, then you are a fool! Bow before the image of a dancing Sherman Helmsley! We finally got a piece of the piiiiiii-hhhiiii-iieeeeee! Can I get an AMEN!?

There you have it people. The top-10 television themes of all time. I know I've left some off. Some folks may bug me about MASH (was a movie theme first). Maybe you're upset I left off Star Trek, well I'm sad to say that the ORIGINAL theme was a failed pop song before Alexander Courage got a hold of it. If you feel like arguing then pop on over to the forums.