>> RANTS > FOUND UNDER A HALFLINGS ROBES

Baiting the Hook with an Astromech

(Special thanks to June, the very tolerant wife of your friendly neighborhood Geek’s hetero-lifemate, Ersogoth. – AD)

Even after years of experience with geek-boys (okay, okay, first "boys", then "men"”) I have had my occasional moments of quiet contemplation in which I wonder, “Why on earth am I so drawn to geeks?” Don’t get me wrong, I have a healthy appetite for the image of the “manly man” – after all, I started sneaking my mom’s Harlequin Romance novels at the tender age of 8 (and if THAT isn’t setting someone up with lofty expectations from the get-go I don’t know what is… but I digress…). Yes, I drooled when I saw Dante in the outdoor shower scene (and I do mean “saw” Dante, ALL of him) in the “Sex in the City” movie.

But he still didn’t get my heart fluttering like Miranda’s geeky husband, Steve, did in the same movie. There are times when I think it might be easier to be with a man who only cares about food and sex, as opposed to a geek who actually wants me to take part in his other passions (role-playing games, Star Wars, computer programs, mad shopping sprees through Fry’s Electronics and Office Depot, William Shatner worship). Nevertheless, I am somehow, irrevocably, attracted to geeks.

Even my best guy pals continue to be geeks...

I have arrived at various conclusions regarding my fate, all of which I believe have some merit. Is it that I know I will be better provided for by a geek? Yes – this is a world in which geeks undoubtedly prosper. But this seems entirely too calculating of a reason to justify my absolute geek adoration. Could it be that I find acceptance among geeks that a young, blonde woman may be unlikely to find among other men? I am certainly not incapable of carrying a conversation with your typical beer-guzzling jock type of guy, but I do tire of his grandiose self-appreciation of his seemingly “witty” comments as he tries to flirt with me, and the conversations inevitably end in discussing sports teams (no offense to anyone else, but *yawn.*). With geeks I find that, the moment I mention Dungeons and Dragons or quote a line from “Star Wars,” I am not simply bait – I am an EQUAL and treated as such. It’s nice to think that a guy may be at least as interested in your perspective on whether or not Solo shot first as he is in your cup size.

During a recent trip to see a friend in Tasmania I was able to befriend the local guys by introducing them to “Geek in the City” – the geek language helped to span the culture for me. It was during this trip that I finally hit upon the most significant reason for why I am always drawn in by geek guys. No longer will I wonder what it is about me that makes me a veritable magnet of Geekiness – no, I now know that I am merely the victim. The truth is…. Geeks lay bait!

Let me explain…

While visiting with my friend, she told her husband to bring out the book she had just purchased for him. He jumped out of the room like some 6 ½ foot tall Tigger and promptly reappeared with a gigantic, hardcover compilation book of the first half of the “Sandman” comic book series. My friend had merely wanted me to feel the weight of the book so I would commiserate with how expensive it was to ship from the States to Tasmania. But her husband cradled the book as if it were a holy relic, a fire in his eyes as he asked if I had ever read it. I had to say that I hadn’t, at which point I could literally see him choking back his comment of “what’s wrong with you” (after all, we had only met a few minutes before). What he did do, seemingly innocently, was to say, “I will leave it out here, right by the coffee table, in case you get really bored and would like something to read while you’re out here.”

No big deal, right? I didn’t want to tell him “No, don’t worry about it,” but I also definitely didn’t think I would take the time during my first trip to Tasmania to start in on “Sandman.”

Okay, so it wasn’t a big deal until I saw it sitting there each night as I went to sleep. I remembered how excited he had been about showing me the book and how magnanimous it was for him to leave it out for a guest he barely knew. After two nights the guilt finally got to me – I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. So, I opened the book…. and I spent the rest of my vacation absolutely obsessed with it, including a phone call back to my geeky husband to ask whether or not he’s been hiding “Sandman” from me on one of his bookshelves full of comics and role-playing books. When the answer was “no” I found myself actually ENCOURAGING him to buy more comics…

In the evenings I ended up discussing “Sandman” with my friend’s husband, who I now feel I can call my own friend. We spent hours discussing the interweaving of philosophy and mythology in the series. I think my friend ultimately ended up feeling left out because she promptly started to read the series after I left.

I’ve been home now for a few weeks. The enormity of what I had experienced did not hit me until I watched my husband, on multiple occasions; pull a very similar tactic when trying to get me to engage in geeky activity. Always the same equation – a moment of super excitement as he introduced the topic, followed by something to the effect of “but only if you’re interested,” surreptitiously followed by the leaving out of some related item. (Ergo, a “Dr Who” DVD, a “Despair” or “Think Geek” catalog, a role-playing book…) in some conspicuous spot to make sure I am constantly reminded of what he really would like me to do. It finally hit me tonight, as I reflected on my trip while talking to my husband – geeks really do lay bait! And kind-hearted, well-meaning women like me are drawn in. When you think about it, it really is a diabolical plan. Any woman without the right amounts of both like-mindedness and compassion would be immune to such bait, whereas the “right” women for geeks are as effectively stuck, as Han Solo was when he was frozen in Carbonite.

So, yes, I am stuck with a geek husband as well as with geek friends. But even if it came about through a potentially sinister form of psychological operations, I really wouldn’t have it any other way. I love that my geek friends cry when I introduce them to the Geek Like Me video on YouTube. I actually have learned to enjoy role-playing games (okay, so it didn’t take me long, but it wasn’t something I ever thought I’d do). And I consider it the ultimate in romance that my husband is singing William Shatner songs to me as I write. Truly, there is nothing that beats geek love.