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Can't Think of a Good Title, aka, Aaron is All Over the Place...

This was intended, originally, to be an yet another rant about how Hollywood is again digging into the bottom of the barrel with more classic horror "re-imaginings" (which is corporate speak for "we are talentless hacks, but you damn fools keep paying"). The sad fact is, as long as people keep going to these unimaginative re-imaginings, the powers that be will keep making them. They are cheap, easy, and (apparently) a guaranteed return on investment. Does it annoy me? Hell yes. However, I cannot fully blame the suits that call the shots. They have shareholders to be beholden. I can blame certain cool sites that on one hand claim to be film purists who hate the studio system, then turn around and worship some new director because of what he or she is doing with "classics" that got the cool web writer into movies in the first place... Anyway... I digress (as I often do)... This isn't about remakes, well not completely. This is about the sanitizing of said remakes. That’s right, in the modern era of perceived low morality in show business. During a time when pundits on all sides clamor for more money by claiming that films being made today do nothing but corrupt our precious children, I wish to cry foul and BS on all counts!

Modern Hollywood films, especially horror, are sanitized crap.

First, let us start with my favorite example. The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the remake (also known as reason to show Jessica "I want to be taken seriously" Biel’s ass). The original Texas, as I have commented ad infinitum on this site, is darn near horror perfection in the mood and emotional investment it pulls from the audience. The movie simply never lets up, even during the slower opening scenes. We, the viewer, know that something terrible is going to happen. It is simply a matter of when and that sense of dread plays hell on our mind. The same cannot be said for the remakes. Partly due to the fact that the movie is a remake and even the most casual of horror fan knows what happens. There will be some killing, likely caused by a chainsaw. (It should be noted that the original has surprising few Stihl based deaths). It is a credit to those involved in the original that certain groups are still highly offended by the movie, a movie made over 30 years ago. However, the same cannot be said of the remake. The remake simply does not have the same emotional punch as the first. Although technically higher in gore then the original, the gore effects feel almost comical in their use. As if, the filmmakers are winking at the audience. Telling us that everything is okay, this is only a movie. The remake is also made tame by giving the audience a reason for the condition of the deranged family in Texas. Forgetting that sometimes, just sometimes, people snap and that is the most terrifying thing of all.

Well, they are doing it again... With another classic 70s horror movie.

The Hills Have Eyes will hit the American multiplexes in early March of 2006. From what I have seen in the trailer and a few images we will be getting more of the same. We'll get a quick explanation as to why the cannibal family in the desert is they way they are. (To be fair, it looks like the reason will be the same as in the original). However, I can all but promise that the sense of dread and social underpinnings in the original will be lacking in this re-imagining. The original The Hills Have Eyes cut its audience to the core because we found ourselves wondering if we would stoop to the same levels as the main characters did in order to get our loved ones back. I doubt this Hollywood remake (which this is, don't let the Fox Searchlight promo fool you), will attempt to make a commentary on the fine line between barbarism and civilization in between scenes of our sweaty, stacked, and half-naked heroine running for her life. Sure, there will likely be some moments. Moments when the audience (made primarily of teens on dates trying to use fear to cop a feel) will jump and shriek; but that will be it. This re-imagining will not stick with the audience. It won't spark a creative, if slightly demented, desire within the soul of some random viewer. Twenty years from now, I highly doubt you will read an interview from some upstart claiming that the 2006 version of The Hills Have Eyes or the 2004 Dawn of the Dead, or the 2003 Texas Chainsaw Massacre made them want to make horror films. Perhaps I am reading into these classic films too much; but I doubt it. The horror filmmakers of the 70s and early 80s were making films that reflected their own observations on modern society. A society that had grown hypocritical of its own morals. These remakes do not do that. Then again, maybe they do. These remakes reflect the new American morality... Make it cheap, make it fast, make is disposable, make it forgettable, and then move onto the next field. They'll keep buying it.

Maybe its time we stop... No matter how cool we are told the movie is...