>> RANTS > FROM THE PEN OF THE MASTER GEEK

Damn You George...Damn You to Byss!

There are few who have touched so many as this person. Few who have been able to cross national, social, and cultural borders as this man. Few have sparked the creative energies within millions of people the world over as this man... Moreover, even fewer still were able to flush and sully absolutely everything they created... You, George Lucas, are one of those people...

The fans and culturally literate have been able to forgive your transgressions that did not harm that magical galaxy far far away. Howard the Duck? Fine, we accept the fact that you were simply trying to create realistic animatronics. The Radioland Murders? Okay, so you wanted to produce a realistic CGI set. These were offerings to the Gods of thematic creativity. Pawns in your game of creating the ultimate films. Films that would stand the test of time and the elements. Films that you forgot you created almost 20 years before! Created with plastic, metal, sweat, and old-fashioned determination.

Films you could not wait to destroy!

The Special Editions were an interesting experiment. We fans understood the need to re-insert elements into Star Wars that you wanted since the beginning.

We all saw the footage of the fat human Jabba on that behind the scenes special.

We wanted to know how he went from a dude to a worm.

We always cringed a bit when we could see the AT-AT through the Snowspeeder control panel.

In addition, many a fan couldn't remember what it was like watching the Star Wars saga on the big screen. We went to your Special Editions. That was fine...

Until the announcement came from your Ivory Tower in Marin County:

The Special Editions were the ONLY version of the original trilogy that would see the light of day.

How dare you Lucas? How dare you take a moment that is so precious to so many and flush it? Well, we fans were not going to take this news lightly. Taking a cue from those who rebelled against the darkness, we formed our own alliance: The Geek Alliance! What you, George Lucas, wouldn't provide. We would take! We stole. We traded. We edited. We struck from the shadows of the darkest corners of the internet. Every fan site you shut down, two more rose from its ashes. Like a many-headed Hydra, we could not be stopped. After years of indignation. Years of taunts from our peers. Year of being told to move on, to grow up... Victory came to us. On May 4, 2006... Like the British conceding defeat by the Colonies. You, George Lucas caved in.

The original holy trilogy would come to DVD in its original theatrical format.

But... That victory was short lived.

Reports were flooding the sites of the victorious. You were not giving us the true theatrical releases. Something was amiss... These DVDs were only getting a standard transfers. The visual quality being on par with Laserdiscs. (Laserdiscs that we true fans copies onto DVD long ago). The audio? A functional but still sub-standard 2.0 Dolby. What was going on? These were not going to be TRUE transfers... These DVDs were not being made from the original 70mm footage with its crisp picture and dynamic sound... These were...were... These were going to be DVD copies of the Laserdiscs! The devil Lucas, again you defied the loyal fans! We should have known you conceded too easily. We should have known the fight, no matter how drawn out, ended too simply... You knew, a hollow victory to us fans would feel like a greater defeat.

Again, you force the true back into hiding...

Again, we must strike at your Empire...

An Empire built of false truths, broken words, and faded dreams...

We are strong and shall remain so. And you. You, George Lucas... You will forever be remembered as the man who destroyed his own cultural icon...

...Whew, your friendly neighborhood Geek is a tad bitter...