>> RANTS > FROM THE PEN OF THE MASTER GEEK

Deluge of Random Geekiness…

It has been a strange time lately for your friendly neighborhood Geek. I've been working on so many different projects, I would put Reed Richards to shame (that's a little stretchy joke for those unfamiliar with the Fantastic Four...and shame on you if you count yourself among the uninitiated). Dang, haven't even started and the random tangent-fest has begun. Course... When your title includes the word "random" it is a forgone conclusion that the post is going nowhere. Anyway... to start off this stream of pop conciseness, I point you to the online pages of Wired Magazine. Go ahead, I'll be here when you get back with my thoughts on the matter... Did you read it? No? What, you expect me to re-state all that was typed over there for you? Hell no. Unlike yours truly, those people get paid to be Geeks, so make them earn their keep... I'll remain in a holding pattern till you return, promise. Okay... Did you read it? Good... I can now give you my thoughts on said article...

DUH!

That image of Princess Leia within the Gold Bikini is forever burned into the minds of all boys (and most men). It will likely stay there long after the original Star Wars viewers have gone the way of the Holiday Special. Now, I'm not going to comment on the maturity of said men and boys. The fact that we still lust after a character speaks volumes to the point. Nor will I make the point that Ms. Organa chokes an over-weight slug that, likely, never got any tail or Twi'lek tentacle. (Without paying for it that is). Although, to be honest, I still prefer the spunky and curvy 1970s Princess Leia. The one whom, while in the clutches of the Dark Lord of the Sith, told Grand Moff Tarkin to go pound it! THAT is hot. However, I do wonder why the image of Princess Leia within the coveted Gold Bikini* resonates so well with my peoples. I'm going to drop the use of men and boys. As most of my female friends (straight, gay, and other) find the Princess from Allderaan to be completely alluring in that bikini. I just wonder if her enduring image of lust can continue unchallenged by future generations of shallow Geeks... One can hope.

Randomness the Second.

I had an unpleasant experience with Hannibal in my wee Geek past. Oh, um, not the eating of your flesh with Fava Beans Hannibal. No, I speak of the cigar chomping "I love it when a plan comes together" while hiding within the Los Angeles Underground Hannibal. A one George Peppard. Idol of millions of 1980s Geeks… Idol of all but one. Me. Well, let me back this one up… Col. Hannibal was, like Airwolf and K.I.T.T., one of my heroes back in the day. Until the day came that he told this young Geek to "fuck off"... There I was, enjoying a fine corn dog at the old A&W restaurant... For reasons unknown, George Peppard was traveling though Susanville... However, being that my hometown is a hellmouth, he had car troubles and needed repairs. Feeling peckish as he waited, Mr. Breakfast at Tiffany's popped into the same A&W as I. Seeing my boyhood hero, I mustered my courage and proudly walked up to him. "Uh...Hanni...Colonel...Sir...Hanniba... Um... I really love the A-Team and I think that you are..." Alas, I never got to finish said statement. The grey-haired man turned to me, annoyance creasing his already age lined face, "Fuck off"...

WHOA!

Now, I am no celebrity. However, as an adult I understand that there is private time and public time. There are times when you can bother and annoy a celebrity and there are times when you should not. Alas, that knowledge is not known to an 8 year-old. As such, I think his response may have been a tad harsh. I ran back to my uncle... Tears pouring from my face. I never forgave him... In fact, to this day... Seeing George Peppard on screen generates seething rage within my little D20 shaped heart. However, I now realize there may be some light at the end of my childhood trauma tunnel. No, I am not yet able to watch the A-Team without a hint of sadness... I am, however, now able to enjoy a corn dog at A&W without weeping at thoughts of yore.

Baby steps.

I know, the above rants really had no pop culture relevance… (Although the day will come when that monologue will find itself in a Kevin Smith'esqu film).

Randomness, the final.

Actually... I am going to hold the third bit of randomness for my next fantastic posting... With that in mind... Tune in next time when I compare politicians to Transformers. (Mainly Decepticons. You know, evil).

Until next time... May all your rolls be Natural 20s...

* I am verbing Gold Bikini and I encourge my fellow Geeks to do the same... From now on, when you see and/or hear of something that is sexy and/or hot in anyway... I ask that you state it is "Gold Bikini". (Hell, we already "McGuyver" things, why not "Gold Bikini" them).