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More Geeks in Your Neighborhood

Very few things in my current life within the City of Roses remind me of my dark and dorky days in hickish rural Northern California. However, a short jaunt to the suburbs of Beaverton and I am suddenly that greasy-haired Geek in black boots, a trench coat, and a Lightsaber all over again. What? Oh sure, like you didn’t do that too as a wee Geek. Although, I didn’t expect to still be doing it as I approach my third decade within the Terran system.

Okay, let me explain…

For reasons that are completely boring, I found myself wandering the streets of Beaverton for a freakishly long period of time. Quite literally I walked from one end of the sprawl to another. Wanting to add yet one more layer to my own little personal hell, I decided to enter the hallowed aisles of the Cedar Hills Mall. You know, just because you add a pretty wood trim and a food court does not change the fact that your mall is the unwanted stepchild of Mall 205. Sorry friends, but that is the truth. When your high-end stores include that weird “import” store that smells like Hawthorne Blvd. and a large selection of knock-off Highlander Katanas, you are trashy.

Thank the maker for bookstores.

Sure, it was an evil chain bookstore, but still I had hoped for the nice quiet aisles with which I could drown out the screaming kids outside the Hello Kitty store. Well, it would have had quiet aisles had this not been the mass consumer season. Each and every section filled with kids screaming, women yelling back, and men wondering what went wrong. It was at one of those aisles where I chanced upon two, you heard right, two working Force F/X Lightsabers on display. Many minutes passed as I stood a few feet away wondering if I had the strength to not pick one up, flick the button and feel the Force as the iconic swish-hum sound brought the blade of a more civilized age to life. Who was I kidding? No way was I going to be strong enough to resist the power of the Dark Side. However, as I reached toward the red-bladed weapon of the Dark Lord of the Sith, two little buggers ran past me screaming “Lightsabeeeeeeeers”, and I realized I was too late. I had been beaten to the punch.

Then dad stepped in.

Clearly wanting nothing more then to go home and watch the game, the father scolded his kids and told them to put the weapons back and to quit screwing around. The kids protested ever-so slightly, but knowing it would only result in a public whupping they backed off after a few seconds. The dad let out a sigh, looked at me and shrugged. I tried my best to give him the “eh, what you gonna’ do nod” without giving away the fact that I had no sympathy for him. Normally, this would be the time when we both would part and go our separate ways. Yet, we did not. Something was keeping us both within hands reach of the two, now unused Force F/X Lightsabers. I could tell we were both performing the internal monologues that all dudes have, although normally we have them when we are hitting on the lovely ladies and it often results in us blowing it in the most humiliating of ways.

What to do?

He had just finished admonishing his spawn in not playing with the glorious replica weapons. I, while lacking shame, still have moments where I am painfully aware of my own Geekiness and attempt to internalize my dorkdom. He looked around. I looked around. Although the store was packed with shoppers, we were alone. No one within blade length, no children to cry foul. I took a step closer, my hands twitching like the man in black just mere seconds before high noon. The dad, his eyes growing more and more narrow. Each of us within a few feet of the displays, we grinned at each other as only men can do. He looked around one more time. My body, already in the proper stance, my heart racing, yet calm, I was ready for anything. He turned his gaze back upon me; I read the meaning behind those eyes. His mouth slowly opened…

“Bring it!”

My arms flew with a speed I did not think possible as my hands clasped the steel handle of Lord Vader’s crimson blade, his upon the green saber of his wayward son. Clearly the Force was with us. With the hum of Jedi combat the blades roared to life. The blades clashing sending waves of sound throughout the aisles of the Beaverton Borders bookstore! We cared not; we were fighting for the future of the galaxy. Dodge. Parry. Swing. Thrust. Again and again the blades clashed upon one another. Paying no mind to the heads turning within the store, the annoyance of the staff. Spinning I deflected his amateurish attempt at taking my head. With the Dark Side flowing through me I brought my saber down hard upon him, his own green blade barely protecting him. Our faces mere inches from each. I grinned.

"Impressive, most impressive."

Then, without a word we turned off the toys. Gently and with great reverence we placed them back into their display stands. We gave each other the dude gaugh (that’s a half grunt, half laugh), turned and walked away… He to his family and me back to the streets of Beaverton. Never again to meet and yet that Geek moment will follow both of us till the end of our days…

Also, before I forget. I want to give a thanks for Lisa Heyamoto of the Sacramento Bee for giving your friendly neighborhood Geek a little shout-out.