>> RANTS > FROM THE PEN OF THE MASTER GEEK

New Captain at the Helm.

Dang it, it never fails. Fabulous Geek rumors break-out while your friendly neighborhood Geek is out of town. It is bad enough that this makes my commentary a day out of sync, (which, in Geek time is akin to a couple of months. Not Ric Ramero levels, but still). But, it also causes me to get hater mail that tends to follow this common thread:

"Hey, I thought you were some lord and master of all things [insert pop culture item], but I check out your site, nothing. You suck"!

Such a mixed bag. On one hand, people are coming here for my useless ramblings. On the other hand, they come to tell me I suck. Oh well, at least I'm not Brannon Braga... Which leads into today’s little bit ‘o commentary... J.J. Abrams is rumored to be Paramount’s latest golden boy to attempt reviving their all but dead Star Trek franchise. (No, not dissing the Trek, trust me when I say it pained me to type the above line). Let me go ahead and state now that I think this a great idea. Well, the Abrams part is, the part of the rumor that does concern me is the type of show that Paramount and Mr. Lost are considering:

Star Trek: The Early Years...

Wow, how lame of an idea is this? It really is terrible and it is again something I can blame George Lucas for. Damn you ‘o flannelled one for making corporate suits believe that prequels are a good idea. They aren't. Sure, they make some coin, but the true fans hate them and in the end they are forgotten like so many Chief Engineers from Season 1 Next Gen...

Anyway, the current rumor (which seems pretty solid as Trek rumors go) is that Abrams will pen and direct a new addition to the Star Trek series. Before you roll your eyes and wonder why, let me explain. First, fans are hungry for some interesting characters and stories. The real reason Enterprise failed (and why Voyager is hated by most Trek fans), is that it was filled with lame arcs and useless amounts of technobabble. Second, Star Trek has been a cash generating machine. Only the Bond franchise can claim to have earned more money. (Again, can't really count Star Wars, cause that baby makes money for Lucas and only Lucas, so the studio system could care less). With that in mind, it is in Paramount’s best interest that they keep the Trek series fresh and running.

However, going at it with the adventures of young Kirk and young Spock is a terrible idea. It will create a soap opera like environment where the writers are forced to create all these stories that will somehow force these characters together at a younger age. Plus, the original series wasn't just about Kirk and Spock; I seem to remember a rather large cast making up the show. Then, there is that annoying part of the Original Series in which none of the characters were the same friggen age! While I may be a few years off (and I know those of you out there who will correct me), Spock graduated few decades before Kirk even entered the academy. In fact, the only characters who are even remotely similar in age would be Sulu, Chekhov, and Uhura. Avoiding the blatant fact that a young Uhura would be as hot as a Vulcan summer, the rest of the show would be a continuity train wreck. "But Aaron", you claim, "who really gives a crap about such things"? Well, if you are someone who pays attention to Trek rumors (which is Paramount’s P1 group), this is a HUGE deal. The characters in the famous "Get a Life" skit aren't too far off from the real thing. You better get your canonical history correct, or the hate mail will be un-ending!

Then there is the whole fact that the show is called: Star Trek, see, for said title to be linguistically correct a large chunk of said show better take place in the Stars... Or, at the very least, another planet or something. However, since it has been strongly established that all members of the Original Series went to the academy on Earth, the show is going to be less Star, more Trek. Of course, I don't remember doing a whole lot of trekking in my collegiate days. Which means the show would be...um... Future School: The Early Years. See how bad of an idea this is? I know I sound all kinds of negative about news that I claim is a great idea. Trust me when I say, I am not trying to be negative. Oh no, there are few people who want to see Trek return to its glory days more then I. It is my mad love for all things Trek that prompts me to point out said fandom nitpickings before Paramount pounds that one final nail into the Mark IV torpedo. Fine, Mr. Smartygeek, if Star Trek: The Original Series: The Early Years is such a bad idea. Do you have any suggestions?

Boy howdy do I!

I will not bore you with all of them, and let’s be honest, I have a ton and even I have limits to the amount of Trek dorkness I will type in one sitting. Actually, I won't bore you with my near infinite amount of Star Trek show ideas I have. (Besides, I think I've written about them before, within these very pages). What I will do is give you some options, while remaining within Paramount’s ill-advised desire to keep the Star Trek franchise in the show’s past. J.J., take notes dude, the fans will be watching you every step of the way. (Yes, I know J.J. Abrams and Paramount won't be reading this site...but if they are, they had better contact me! Plus, the more I type things like J.J. Abrams and Paramount and Star Trek, the greater odds of Google grabbing me when someone types in J.J. Abrams, Paramount, or Star Trek... Sorry, I'll stop now...) J.J. Abrams....Trek...Paramount.

Ahem... Sorry.

All right, some shows ideas that still keep Star Trek in the early days. Well, the most obvious is to take a cue from the other highly successful film franchise, Bond. Start on year four of the original crew’s five-year mission. don't yell at your screen. This is not sacrilege. Just because we all love Shatner, Nimoy, and the rest of the cast doesn't mean their characters can't be played by other actors. The folks over at New Voyages have done so a couple of times now, and while not perfect, the web episodes have been good. Certainly better then most 3rd season Original Series episodes. To me this seems like the most natural progression, even if it would be the hardest sell to the more anal Star Trek fans.
Think about it, we fans could have a real sense of connection between the Original Series and the films that followed. Shoot, if the movie was successful enough, it could lead into a show that wrapped up the original five-year mission and the "lost years" that followed. This format could actually be played out in many an Original Series era, as it covers the most canonical time, while having the least amount of show hours dedicated to it. Most fans know that Kirk and crew had multiple five-year missions into unexplored regions of space: After the first movie, just prior to Wrath of Khan, with a couple after and before Star Trek V and IV. Granted, doing episodes with an older crew while some of the actors still live would be harder to swallow, but it would still be leaps and bounds better then a show about Kirk skipping class to hit on hot chicks. Want to leave the original crew behind, not mess with that at all? That’s fine. You can deal with other early era settings:

Starfleet Academy.

I know this concept makes many a fan roll their eyes, and for the most part, I would agree. However, in the hands of a capable show runner (of which I consider Abrams to be), the show could be interesting. The spin? Simple, put it during the Federations early days, when they were still trying to decide how militaristic they wanted Starfleet to be. Put it on another planet or space station, kinda’ like an exchange program in space. Give it real character tension. Fill that school with students who didn't even know about other species living out there, now they are sitting next to them, trying to make a better future. Make it dangerous. Make it exciting. Just don't make it 90210 in space, cause no fan wants that. Another idea? Yank out those terrible Enterprise costumes and give us fans the Earth / Romulan Wars. While I am not a big fan of war being the central focus of a Trek series again (since I doubt they could hit DS9 levels of drama again), the concept does have potential. Again, fans know that technology was very low during this era and the warring factions were lobbing weapons at each other without actually being able to see each other. Think about it, an entire Star Trek series with an emotional undercurrent on par with The Hunt for Red October or Das Boot. J.J. Abrams is one of the few writers working in Hollywood today that could pull of such a thing.

Then again...

Abrams lost touch on Alias and from what people are telling me, the same is happening on Lost. Which makes me wonder if Abrams has the strength to pull off an ongoing series? Perhaps that is why this rumor is attached to a new movie franchise and not a series. Maybe Paramount sees the long-term numbers and doesn't want to invest in yet another risky and expensive series, especially since they would have to shop it in syndication with UPN going the way of the Salt Vampire. (Although I still believe Trek is strongest when it doesn't directly answer to a network suit). Like all things in Hollywood, it is all speculate until I see that first frame on the screen, big or small. And those speculative odds, my Geeky friends ride on one thing: Tom Cruise! Yup, you read right. You want to see Star Trek come back stronger then ever? Well, Mission Impossible III is going to need some strong numbers... Only time and the box office will tell...

Peace and Long Life.