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Sean Penn as the Joker and the Rumor Game

The above rumor comes fresh off the boards of another poorly written and Geeky pop culture site. As always, after reading the "insider scoop" gleamed from NOW magazine out of the U.K. I found myself drawn to the comment board below. I feel kinda' bad in admitting that I have never once posted on the boards, I've got me a user name, but it always feels like a waste of energy to make a comment that will inevitably degrade into "Lucas raped my childhood" jokes. (A comment I still find disturbing on multiple levels). For once, this didn't happen. Granted, the news article is still new and there is all kinds of time to get folks on the hating Lucas bandwagon, but so far so good. Geeks were actually talking about whom they did and did not want to see play the Joker in the inevitable Batman sequel. In this case...

Sean Penn as the Joker.

Every time I read or hear of casting rumors, I immediately see if they pass the squint test. Now the squint test is very similar to the flip test I give to gaming books; I immediately pick up the book and give it a 30-second flip. If the book has any item within that is able to hook me into reading more, then the publishers have a good chance of getting my hard-earned gaming dollar. So it goes with the squint test. Just after learning of said rumor, I tilt my head up ever so slightly, squint my eyes and proceed to imagine that actor in the role they are being rumored about. In that short 30 seconds I take into account their physical appearance, past acting, acting potential, and marketability versus cost. (Yes, all of that in 30 seconds). If they pass that test, then I give the casting rumor real thought; if they don’t, then it will take the second coming to convince me that said actor will ever work. Case in point: I was (honestly) instantly sold on Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne / Batman having seen his potential in American Psycho; but never will I buy Julian McMahon as Dr. Doom. Never. Ever. Dear sweet Lord never.

Sean Penn just doesn’t do it for me. Sure he is a fine actor, although I haven’t been blown away by him since Team America Carlito’s Way, I just don’t seem him pulling off a character that is arguably more difficult to portray then Bruce Wayne. I’m not one of those fans whom believe the Batman villains to be more important then the Dark Knight, but I very much know what is needed to present an authentic Joker on the screen. This may seem strange, but the Joker should never make you chuckle or laugh. When you see the Joker on the screen you should never be able to get comfortable. The audience should be worried about what could happen to each and every person the Joker has in his sights. The audience should have nightmares after going home after viewing the movie. The Joker is humanities' violent psychosis given form.

Example time:

There is this great short story written a few years back from a collection of Joker stories. It is Joker’s birthday and to cheer himself up he calls a phone sex line. After a few seconds of heavy breathing the Joker proceeds to tear this poor woman down word by word. Never once raising his voice or using directly insulting words he has this poor girl convinced she is hideous and has no reason to live. In the end the woman takes her own life while on the phone with him. In the closing lines the reader is only presented with a simple “Heh" from the Joker. Even listening to this victim slowly carve herself up was not enough for him. That is the Joker that Batman faces in the streets of Gotham, a creature so hideous that no sane person could confront him.

I just don’t see Sean Penn pulling that monster off.

Now you may be thinking, “Dude Aaron, uh, even is they make the movie you’ve still got a year or so before real casting begins. Stop being a dork." Well, you might be right about that, but it’s what my peoples do. How is this speculation any different then when a bunch of dudes get together at a bar with the sports pages and wonder who will get drafted and which team they would work best on? Newsflash: It isn’t and the sooner folks accept that the sooner we can all move onto bigger and better things.

And if you think I had intended to elaborate more on the subject of Geeks and casting speculation but spent too much time wanking about Batman and the Joker and then ran out of writing steam… Then you would be correct sir!

Until next time remember… Only by removing the head or destroying the brain will you survive the coming zombie holocaust!