>> RANTS > FROM THE PEN OF THE MASTER GEEK

So Many Geeks Babes, So Little Time!

I promised you fine readers that I would tackle the different types of Geek women. I tried to avoid it by writing a small review of Dawn of the Dead. But why would I avoid a subject dealing with the hottest of hot women? Simple, this is proving to be more difficult then I had imagined it would be. I try not to give disclaimers to my writing, but this time I feel like I must. This list WILL be biased and probably wrong. It will be purely based on my own geeky observations. Also, this list will only cover pop-culture geeks. As my tech knowledge is relatively limited… But stayed tuned, I do intend to tackle that topic at a later date… With a little help.

SLAYERS - The Buffy fan is a fun girl to hang around. The Slayer girl generally has a passing interest in "paranormal" things and can often be lured into RPG's as it gives them a chance to emulate their favorite Buff’ster. Unlike many geeks, the Slayer girls tend to be pretty active physically...Not like THAT 'ya pervs. I mean in general athletics the Slayer girl is pretty bad ass. Many of them want to test their slaying powers on whomever will let them, so you guys and gals dating a Slayer girl better stay in shape. The above also applies to Angel’ettes.

HORROR HONEY - This woman is completely different from the Slayer Girl, sure they both like their vampiric entertainment. But, the Horror Honey wants to watch the vampire draw some serious blood before they get dusted (assuming they even do). The Horror Honey REALLY likes horror movies, A LOT… Be warned, for some reason as yet to discover a Horror Honey will get into the blood and gore more then ANY man will. This may have to do with the fact that Horror Honies having to “prove” themselves to their male friends. The Horror Honey tends to have the darkest of humor too, be warned (or excited).

SCI-FI BABE - The Sci-Fi Babe is very similar to the Horror Honey. In fact, they are often the same person, preferring one genre over the other. The Sci-Fi Babe is pretty smart. Unlike a man (who often accepts ideas without question) the Sci-Fi Babe will ask a lot of “whys” while watching their Sci-Fi movies and television. Enduring as this may be, please ladies, ask AFTER the movie or during commercials…Us guys can only do so many things at once. A sub-set of the Sci-Fi Babe is the She-Trekkie. The She-Trekkie only has the mad love for Trek and doesn’t really get into other forms of Sci-Fi. I have no reason as to the existence of them, but I’m glad they are there. Unfortunately, most (certainly not all) the She-Trekkies LOVE Voyager. I know it’s hard but…DUMP THEM! Screw Voyager and it’s fans!

GAMER GIRLS - This geek woman is broken into two simple sub-sets. The Analogs and the Digitals. (Not to be confused with the Jets and the Sharks). The Analogs enjoy sitting at the table with their fellow dice tossers and spending hour after hour slaying the Dragon and saving the Princess. It is also my opinion that the Analog Gamer Girl is the BRAVEST of all the Geek Girls. With women making up a painfully small percentage of table top role-players, they must often put up with boob ogling men and god awful smells. Still they show up with a real desire to play, God thank them for it. The Digital Gamer Girls are a bit more aggressive (and are good at trash talking) then their table top counterparts. But, as they only face people in the digital world they tend to lack the raw courage of facing smelly geeky men! It should be noted that there is a very small percentage of women that love both Analog and Digital gaming. This rare breed is a force to be reckoned with! Ask me about “Sally” someday…

FANTASY FEMMES - Like the Gamer Girl, the Fantasy Femme is broken into two sub-sets. The first being the wispy Fey Girl and the bad ass Xena Grrl. The Fey Girl loves to go to renaissance faires and dress in wispy clothing. She also loves to read and study ancient myths and stories, focusing on Celtic tales. The Fey Girl tends to be the most “girly” of the Geek Girls. The Fey Girl gets swept away in the romantic rambling of the poet. Now I’m not to saying they can’t stand toe to toe with you, they’d just prefer not to. Then there is the Xena Grrl. Xena Grrl’s are the ones that the Fey Girl runs behind when the fit hits the shan! The Xena Grrl also likes renaissance faires, but she enters all the fighting contests and woe to the man who holds back. Take heed men, the Xena Grrl WILL bust your ASS and do it with a smile! A true Xena Grrl is also unimpressed with your poetic overtures, if you can beat her best two out of three then you MIGHT have a chance at dating her. Although there are few things hotter then a woman in armor, the Xena Grrl won’t take any crap so don’t stare!

COMIC CHICK - The Comic Chick sticks out like a sore thumb within the darkened isles of your favorite comic book shop. They stand out because they don’t look like they live in their parents basement, and cause the store owner is ALWAYS hitting on them! Give it up, it’s not impressing them…trust me. The Comic Chick tends to be pretty diverse just like her male counterparts in that she likes indie comics or superhero books. Most Comic Chicks prefer indie books as superhero comics tend to be aimed at men and thus unnaturally “top-heavy”. But, a true Comic Chick is always on the look out for a good story. If you can impress her with your knowledge of writing and character development then you have a friend for life!

SAVANT GODDESS - Ah, the rarest of all Geek Girls. The Savant Goddess is like the Batman (woman) of the female geek community. She has knowledge and love for darn near every form of geekdom! You can’t say a movie line without her giving the proper reply. She smiles when you mention Bruce Campbell. She can tell you exactly WHY George Lucas and/or Rick Berman can kiss her ass. She knows who Jack Kirby and Stan Lee are. She goes to renaissance faires in frilly dresses but has a short sword hidden somewhere. And finally, she can stake you at a Geek-Off in a moments notice. Attention boys and girls: You catch yourself a Savant Goddess, you hang onto her for dear life. Diamonds in the rough they are!

There you have it folks. This Geek’s simple attempt to put women in little categories and judge them accordingly. Okay so that sounded terrible, but you get my drift. I know I missed various nuisances and quirks. I KNOW that we are all different individuals who can’t be quantified, but I just had to make known my simple observations… Feel free to send me hate mail. I’m ready for it.