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Teenage Mutant Ninja Geeks

Just a fair warning, the above title has very little to do with what I am actually going to write about. However, that one small thing will be as foolish and lame as you can possibly imagine. Anyway, this second installment of Tales of the Wee Geek again takes you fine readers to the hamlet of Susanville on the River in Lassenshire. (Okay, not really a shire, but it would have made the place sound more interesting). I spend a lot of time blasting the town of my childhood and it deserves every bit of it. However, the town did have two things going for it that I actually find myself missing. First, for some strange reason Susanville is home to The Chinese Kitchen, the dead on greatest Chinese Food Restaurant in the entire lower 48; Lord knows why. The other place that will forever hold a place in your friendly neighborhood Geek’s heart is the local bookstore.

A certain Margie's Book Nook.

As everyone knows, high school sucks and it sucks even more when you're a Shakespeare reading, Rocky Horror dancing, Monty Python quoting, Iron Maiden listening, two fisted Dungeon Masta’. Thankfully, we Susanville Geeks had a great outlet in the guise of a mild mannered bookstore owner. Barely capping 5 foot 1 inch, Margie was nonetheless a force to be reckoned with in that hick town. Boldly going against the flow, she stocked her shelves with all kinds of role playing games. Even, *gasp* the Satan inducing Dungeons and Dragons. When the school library only allowed students to read blacked out versions of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, (yes, it was that kind of town) she was the one that would give us unedited copies for free.

She also performed the coolest act of Geek aid in the known world.

See, there was a dark time in my young RPG life when my collection of D&D books were found and confiscated by my well-meaning parents. They then made me a deal: Sell the books back to Margie and I could keep the money or, watch them go up in flames like the tomes of damnation that they were. Naturally I chose to sell my books. Margie, in her infinite wisdom knew I would inevitably buy the books again and so came up with a brilliant plan. She would just hide the books for me behind the counter, all I had to do was stop by before game night and pick up what I needed. But Aaron, you ask, what about all that phat cash you would make from selling said devil books? Here in lies the genius that was Margie. Telling my folks that she was only offering in-store credit for used game books, she created a fake credit slip with my name on it. Once the fervor died down (aided by a Catholic Priest, ironically) I used my credits to buy my books back after Margie wasn't able to re-sell them. BRILLIANT! (Oh, and um...Sorry mom). You would think, with all the awesomeness with which she treated us Geeks that we did the same towards her.

Yea, cause that’s what punks kids do.

Don't ask me why, but Susanville had a ye olde world style sewer system, complete with stone archways and smooth bored tunnels. The area in which this sewer system covered wasn't very large, having been long since updated to more modern metal piping. However, the section that did still exist did was under the older uptown area of Susanville. The area of town that looked like it belonged in a Sergio Leone flick. Margie’s Book Nook, along with a deli, a jewelry store, a shoe shop (complete with cobbler), a bar, and other nick-knack style stores that thrive in nick-knack obsessed rural towns sat over said sewer tunnels. (See where this is going)? Somehow, and I honestly can't remember how, we had obtained an old map of the uptown sewer area. Being the colossal dorks and gamers that we were, Aaron and his band of Geeks thought it would be a hoot to do some sewer spelunking. We tried to justify it as simple historical curiosity, but who were we kidding?! We were going to take out newly acquired martial arts weapons (my personal favorite being the Bo staff cause, um, cause its long, makes for great posing shots, and Donatello was my favorite Ninja Turtle) and act out our favorite fight scenes underground, and it was going to be sweet! Course, it was only after we climbed down into the stanky sewer that we realized that there was only enough space to crawl. Oh well, the fighting would be put on hold, but we could still crawl around. Why would we want to do that? Cause we're dudes and that’s what dudes do. (I guarantee; every woman reading this is shaking her head, every dude is nodding theirs). A few yards in we learned that the old sewers also gave us unguarded access to darn near every business in the uptown area.

We could sneak in and out of any store without anyone knowing. Ever.

Thankfully, we never took advantage of the obvious opportunity the fates had provided us. We were Geeks, not thieves. That didn't stop us from breaking and entering though. (I only write about it now cause, well, cause the statute of limitations has long since passed and I don't have to worry about getting tossed into the Hoosegow). Truthfully, we only snuck into Margie’s once, just to see if we could. You would think we would have simply counted out non-arrested blessings and kept out mouths shut. Not so much. The next day we proudly marched into Margie’s Book Nook and began to brag that we had her store in the palm of our hands! Not believing us at first, we again foolishly marched her to the grate that led directly into the Susanville sewer system. Aghast, we were grilled by her for the next five hours, giving a tinkers cuss for the fact that we were going to miss the second half of school. (She knew we ditched half the time anyway). Being the punks that we were, we simply smiled and nodded our heads. Then, Margie, the one lone ally we Geeks had in a town of hicks and jocks laid upon us the worst Jedi mind-trick a person can lay. The dreaded guilt trip. Ah crap. We were tools. We swore right then and there that we would no longer take advantage of her good nature, nor would we take for granted all the times she put her own store on the line for us. Those of you who grew up in a large cities may not understand the above statement. However, those who grew up in smaller towns know the risks a business puts themselves in when they openly sell books and games that some people thought were dangerous and/or Satanic. Right then and there we promised to no longer play around in the sewers again, and only now do I realize how completely lame that statement to be, nonetheless, it was said and meant. We also promised to stop opening her cash register using the secret button that even she didn't know about but that Ryan was completely familiar with because his dad sold her the machine.

Our punishment for our trespasses? Watch the store for free while she got lunch. Yea, I get the irony of that as well.

Upon graduating high school Margie had actually become a member of the school board. We never really knew why as her own kids were long since in college. Looking back, I have a pretty good idea as we were constantly being referred to as her other boys. This theory supported by the fact that once her term was over and all us Geeks were out of school, she didn't run for re-election. I'm not to proud to say that I gave her a big fat hug as I picked up my diploma in front of the entire student body and their families, as did all the other Geeks she stood up for in her own quiet way. We all moved away over the next year or so. Each one of us, in a very Stand By Me moment, made certain we stopped by the book store to say goodbye. While I can't speak for my friends, I am certain they got just as teary as I when they shut the door to that little book store for the last time.

Margie is still there, although her son runs the store most of the time now. The gaming section is still there, as her son was also a two-fisted Dungeon Masta’ in his day. He even stocks those collectable card games that are all the rage with the next generation of Geek kids.

Whenever I come home to see my family I get a big plate of Twice Cooked Pork from Chinese Kitchen, and, I walk into a certain Margie’s Book Nook to see if my other mom is there.

And when no one is looking...I pop open the cash register.