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Top-5 8-Bit Villains

Whew, your friendly neighborhood Geek has been mighty busy lately. As great as it is to simply pass on GitC writing chores to other fine writers on this site, I don't want to turn into one of those guys... Sadly, I don't have anything of real substance to give to you fine readers either (as opposed to, you know, the literary gold you are accustomed to), and so, I must fall back on yet another list. Kicking it in the oldest of schools, I present to you, the best of the 8-Bit Villains to grace videogame land! Only rule? Nothing after the era of the Super Nintendo and/or the Sega Genesis... Which means some of the best of the worst won't even make the list.

Honorable Mention - Dracula - The Castlevania Series
I feel bad for placing the Lord of Darkness so low on the list. However, the fact is, Dr. Acula almost missed this list entirely. Sure, he has been a thorn in the side of the Belmont clan for close to 20 years, but being a well-established literary character should make him ineligible. I just couldn't do it though. The stamp that Castlevania continues to leave on the world of the home video game market is simply too great. New Castlevania games continue to grace every gaming platform in production, with no end in sight.

Number 5 - Donkey Kong - Donkey Kong
Made up of 10 pixels, everyone’s favorite barrel tossing, blonde girl loving, Italian plumber hating monkey starts off this list of 8-Bit villains. Although Mr. Kong was one of the first, the fact that he later became a company saving hero in the Donkey Kong Country series prevents him from rating higher. Perhaps someday Donkey Kong and his rapscallion of a son, DK, Jr. will again resume the mantle of villain and taunt them short red and green clad Italians once again.

Number 4 - Mother Brain - Metroid
I still don't know what the heck Mother Brain is. In fact, I don't think Mother Brain is a real mother, well, maybe in the technical sense. Come to think of it, I don't think gender can be applied to Mother Brain. What with her fanged-floating-soul-sucking-jellyfish way. Damn, I can't believe I started talking about the biological make-up of a video game character... Regardless, Mother Brain was a tough as nails villain that took many a NES gamer days and days to finally taking down. There never seemed to be enough missiles to drop that mother! (Sorry, couldn't resist). The pay-off? You got to see Seamus take her armor off...Oh yea!

Number 3 - Big Boss - The Metal Gear Series
Long considered one of the best game series' of all time, the Metal Gear games were one of the first to incorporate real storytelling to move the game along. One of those storytelling elements is the Benedict Arnold’esqu villain, Big Boss. The one time mentor, turned enemy of Solid Snake, the influence of Big Boss has been felt in every version of Metal Gear since the first NES version. Of all the video games being turned into movies, I have to wonder why the Metal Gear series has taken so long to make the transition. When it finally does, I want to nominate Victor Garber, the baddest Jack of all time. (As we all know that Jack Bristow could whup on 'ol Jack Bauer).

Number 2 - King Bowser Koopa - Super Mario Bros.
Replacing that glory hound gorilla as the primary villain to taunt the most well known pair of Italians since Monica Bellucci entered the Matrix. Sure, Bowser has played the role of "hero" once in a while, but he is never far from his villainous ways. First appearing in 1985, King Bowser is one of the most recognizable villains in the history of video games. Bowser is even strong enough within popular culture to survive being played by Dennis Hopper in the wholly unwatchanle Super Mario Brothers the Movie!

Number 1 - Ganon - The Legend of Zelda
You know, I'm probably going to get a lot of grief for lacking a single Sega character on this list. Well, too bad! Sega villains blew and well all knew it. (Although the Sega Master system was superior to the NES. Even if their games did suck... But, that is for another time). Ganon, also known as Ganondorf, could be credited as the villain that introduced the video role playing game to an entire generation of gamers. Without Ganon playing the role of Link’s pig-faced foil (though that later changed), we may never have seen Dragon Warrior or Final Fantasy reach American shores. For that reason alone, Ganon makes the top slot on this less than stellar top-5 list.

Tune in next time when I look into what happened to my William Shatner DVD of the month shipment... and only TJ Hooker can help!